


Heart of the Lion

by Loki_Demon



Series: The Animal [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:28:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4815038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loki_Demon/pseuds/Loki_Demon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily Evans was a Good Girl, everyone said so. She was a Good Girl, but even Good Girls have bad days, she reasoned. Modern AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [provocative_envy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/provocative_envy/gifts).



> I change tense haphazardly. It felt right.

Lily Evans was a Good Girl, everyone said so. She was a Good Girl, but even Good Girls have bad days, she reasoned. Nobody could be expected to be perfect. And that is why, curled up in the bathtub with a bottle of whiskey and a broken heart, she refuses to feel bad about the friends on the other side of the door who are probably worried about her. She takes another swig and closes her eyes, tugging at her hair like she is trying to peel it off her scalp.

She’s been in the bathroom so long that everyone has given up trying to get her to come out and have gone on partying, or perhaps planning a strategic intervention for their wayward princess. That’s what Sirius started calling her. After. She tugs at her hair again.

It was his birthday. They were all here because it was his birthday and she had _known_ it was a bad idea right from the beginning. But Sirius was a persuasive little bastard and he had somehow gotten her to sit through dinner. She was actually starting to have fun and Sirius kept beaming at her and telling her how good it was to see her smile and...it had been too much. She knew that she was hurting Sirius by running away from him and locking herself in the bathroom but really, it had been too much too soon and he ought to have known.

She opened her eyes again as she heard someone bang on the door. “Go away,” she snarled. “Leave me alone.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” a familiar voice replied. “You can’t monopolize our shower. It’s our shower. And I need to use it.”

“You have other showers!”

There was a pause as the man on the other side of the door seemed to consider this. “This is my shower though. It has my things in it.”

Lily sighed and got onto her feet unsteadily. She pulled open the door and glared at Regulus fucking Black, Sirius’ stupid twit of a brother who had no right to be here at all, let alone to barge in on Lily’s grief like this. He didn’t even have the decency to look sorry for her. He only grinned and Lily could not for the life of her understand why he was grinning at her like that. Perhaps he had had a few too many as well.

It didn’t matter. The grin fell off his face soon enough as Lily walked back to the tub and began picking up bottles of shampoo and soap and hurling them at him at full force. “What the fuck?!”

“You wanted your stupid things!” she screamed. “Here they fucking are!”

She had thrown the razor without thinking about it. She was drunk and upset and already set on throwing the contents of the bathroom directly into Regulus’ stupid fucking face. And really, she could hardly blame herself. Who doesn’t put a cover over their razor blades?

It hits him square on the cheek and sliced down to his lip before falling to the floor along with drops of blood. “Fucking _hell_ ,” he exclaims, reaching up to his face to staunch the bleeding. “Fucking hell.”

 For a moment Lily does nothing but stare. She stares as he moves into the bathroom and leans over the sink to wash the blood of his hands and face. She’s still staring as he reaches into the medicine cabinet for some band aids. Finally she says something. “Good.”

Regulus pauses for a moment and looks at her. “Good? You’re happy now are you?”

She scoffs. “Not hardly.”

Regulus shakes his head. “What is it that you want from me then, hmm?”

Lily’s face was tear-stained and splotchy red with anger and pain and she looks like all the life has been drained out of her. Regulus, in contrast, does not seem to care. He does not fucking _care_ , he just wants to take a stupid _shower_. Now. Today. She shoves him. “It should have been you,” she chokes out. “It should have been _you_. You would have _deserved_ it.”

Regulus knows immediately what she means but he forces a puzzled expression on his face, wanting her to say it outright. “What should have been me?”

“It should have been you that night, you should have died! Not—not—“

“I did die,” he reminds her coolly. “I died painfully. Slowly. Potter's death was mercifully quick.”

Indeed, Regulus had died. They’d had a funeral for him and everything. The fact that they were unable to find a body didn’t trouble anyone—he had swallowed  _acid_ —and it was just taken as a given that he was dead. But about a week later his body was found washed up on the shore of an eerie looking lake and somehow it had a faint pulse. No one could work out what had kept him alive during that week, but the lake had clearly been part of some dark experiment of Riddle’s and must have somehow preserved him, like canned fruit. And, with the miracle of modern medicine, he was brought back to life again.

Much of his body was not his own anymore. He had skin grafts and a heart transplant and complete facial reconstruction. So many of his internal organs were replaced that Sirius often jokingly referred to him as Frankenstein. The body that he was offered a second chance at life in, a resurrection of sorts, was a piecework quilt of hastily thrown together parts. His kidney and a great deal of his blood was Sirius’. His heart was James’.

“Oh so that makes it so—so much better then? He is _dead_. _Forever_. You’re still here, ruining people’s _lives_.”

“I’m sorry, I fail to see how wanting a shower in my own house is ruining your life.”

Lily crossed her arms and stumbled again. She sat down on the toilet as if to stake her claim. “Well, I’m not leaving.”

Regulus only shrugged and closed the bathroom door. “Suit yourself then.”

To Lily’s shock, horror, and minor ( _minor_ ) approval Regulus started removing his clothes. His shirt had come off and he was undoing the buttons on his pants when Lily was finally able to process what was happening in front of her. “What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing, Black?”

Regulus smirked, tossing his head as he looked up at her in a way that made his hair fall into his eyes. He reached up a hand to push it back out of his face, his other hand still hovering over the zipper of his jeans. “I’m taking a shower. You’re the one who insists on staying here to watch.”

Lily opened her mouth and then shut it again, a blush creeping up her face. She was about eye level with his half undone pants and if she reached out her hand…Lily was a Good Girl, but she was having Bad Thoughts. Without thinking she did reach her hand out, but up, her fingers just barely touching the scar on his chest, one of many that littered his body. She inhaled sharply as she did it, her eyes wide with drunken wonderment. Regulus stared down at her with what appeared to be pity in his eyes. He crouched down so he was eye level with her. “I'm not happy about it either, you know.”

Lily sighed softly, tears starting to fall again. “What do you care about him?” The hostility was gone from her voice and her question sounded lonely rather than accusatory.

“I liked Potter. He was—he saved me. For my brother, but he saved me. And he used to include me in things, even when Sirius tried to convince him that letting his lame younger brother hang out with them was a terrible idea. I liked him.”

“I loved him,” Lily whispered.

“I know." Regulus said and sighed. "He wouldn’t like you to be hiding in the bathroom though. It’s his birthday party. You should at least be a drunken mess with my brother. Not here.” He gently took the bottle out of her hand. “You should get some water anyway.”

Lily blinked at him a few times. “We were going to have a future. We were going to have _kids_. We…we had names picked out.”

The look of pity returned to Regulus’ face. “I’m really not the one to be talking to about it. Sirius—”

“Sirius wants me to be happy. Because it’s what he would have wanted. But I can’t. I can’t do it.” She put her head in her hands and started crying in earnest. Regulus awkwardly patted her on the shoulder and muttered something he thought sounded sympathetic.

“Your husband was a good man. It’s worth being sad about.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 

Lily sighed and put her head on his shoulder. It felt strangely comforting to have her tears felt by someone else, to have their physical presence acknowledged. It had been so long since anyone had given her permission to mourn. Sirius meant well but he was accustomed to masking his grief in anger and false happiness and he always tried to sidetrack Lily when she started talking about how she missed James. Her friends gave her sympathy, but they also seemed uncomfortable with her grief and unsure of what to do about it. They gave her sympathetic looks and baked her cake, but they encouraged her to try to live her life and be happy again and Lily wasn’t ready to be happy.

Remus was usually the one who was there for her to cry on. He was a good listener and he didn’t try to push Lily to feel anything other than what she was feeling. James’ death had caused Remus to spiral, however, and within a few weeks he was put in the hospital. Only immediate family was allowed to visit him there. Lily was permitted to call him once a week for a half hour but it was often unsettling. In the throes of a schizophrenic episode, Remus was not himself anymore. He sounded hollow and it just made Lily more sad.

Regulus wasn’t objecting to her tears though. When she leaned against him, he put his arm out wide for a moment, uncomfortable with the contact, but he didn’t push her away. Eventually he patted her awkwardly on the head and she looked up at him. Her heart ached for affection and her head was foggy with alcohol. Before she was entirely aware of what she was doing, she was kissing him.

Once again, Regulus threw his arms out and his eyes widened in shock, but his hands were quicker, this time, to jump into her hair. His mouth tasted like beer and ice cream--a bizarre, but acceptable, combination. Lily kissed him fiercely and he let her, revelling in the attention, until she pulled away breathless. Without bothering to open her eyes, she made to kiss him again.

Regulus reluctantly pulled away this time and stood up, causing Lily to fall unceremoniously on her ass on the tiled bathroom floor. She thought she saw Regulus bite back a laugh and huffed. “What the fuck, Black?”

He offered her his hand, but she pushed it away, using the edge of the bathtub to hoist herself up to her feet. Regulus shrugged and withdrew his arm. “You’re drunk.”

“No shit.”

“And you’re making bad choices.”

Lily crossed her arms. “My choices are just fine, thank you very much.”

“No, this is a bad choice.” Regulus gestured to himself and smirked slightly. “I’m a bad choice.”

“Well I haven’t _chosen_ you now have I? All I did was kiss you. Barge into the bathroom...tell me I’m making bad choices...who the fuck do you think you are anyway?”

Regulus fixed her with a deadpan expression. “Regulus Black.”

“Oh well aren’t you clever? Go on then,” she replied, gesturing at the bath. “Didn’t you want a shower?”

“Yes.”

“Very well then. Don’t let me stop you.”

“Are you going to--leave?”

Lily shook her head and stood right where she was. Regulus stared at her. He had only started getting undressed to get her out of the room. That was supposed to _work_. It wasn’t supposed to end with a very pretty and very drunk woman glaring at him and _staying_ to _watch_. She wasn’t meant to _like_ it. Hesitantly, he shoved down his trousers and hooked his fingers in the waistband of his boxers, staring at her, hoping that she would back down.

“You don’t really mean to stay, do you?”

Lily hiccupped. “Don’t make threats you can’t follow through, Black. Didn’t your mother ever teach you that?”

“Don’t worry, mother followed through on all her threats…” Regulus muttered. Lily wasn’t listening. Her arm was outstretched again.

“You don’t seem entirely displeased to have me here.”

Regulus blushed. “Not entirely _pleased_ either.”

Lily took a half step forward and looked up at him with innocent eyes--Good Girl eyes--and said, “I could make you entirely pleased.”

*    *    *

            Lily groaned as she woke up and rolled over on her side. She was decidedly not in her room. Everything was far too neat and tidy to be her room. Books were perfectly arranged on a wooden bookshelf with black trimming above an entirely clear desk. Lily assumed she must have fallen asleep in a model bedroom, because no living creature could possibly keep a desk _entirely_ clear. There wasn’t even a _quill_ on it.

            Her eyes found identifiers soon enough, though. The snake emblem on the bedpost. The photographs on the wall. The bottles of pills neatly lined up on an otherwise clear dresser. Lily sighed as she started to remember last night. She had gotten Regulus fucking Black mostly naked in the bathroom last night and now she was in Regulus fucking Black’s room lying in Regulus fucking Black’s bed. What the fuck had occurred?

            She sighed again and sat up. She immediately regretted it, but now that she was committed she had to power through. She swung her feet out of bed and scratched her nose. Then she padded her feet down the hallway to the bathroom and made a face. The bathroom.

            Things did not look good. Her mascara was smeared all over her cheeks and she somehow has eyeshadow on her forehead. She had apparently slept in her jeans and blouse, which was all wrinkled now. She mumbled something incoherent about alcohol and started to wash her face.

            “Lils!” a voice barked out.

            Lily turned her head groggily and was greeted with an entirely too cheerful face. “Sirius.”

            “How’d you sleep, princess?”

            She sighed. “Adequately. Your brother?”

            “Mmm, he slept on the couch. We put you in his room, you were so drunk--” Sirius chuckled. “You were trying to kiss him, you know? Regulus. You remember that?”

            Lily groaned. “Vaguely.” She looked up at Sirius. “Is he here?”

            Sirius smirked. “Indeed. Downstairs.”

            “Can I just--climb out the window or something?”

            “Why are you climbing out of the window?”

            Lily mentally cursed life, the universe, and Regulus fucking Black as he walked down the hallway and leaned casually on the door frame of the bathroom. “So I don’t have to see your ugly face again.”

            Regulus flinched a bit at that and touched his hand to his cheek. Sirius shoved him playfully. “Lily’s a bit too good for you in the light of day, Frankenstein.”

            “Right,” said Regulus, trying to sound casual and rolling his eyes for good measure, but it came out a little too sharply.

            Lily paid him no mind and stared down her own face. “I need breakfast.”

            “It’s 1 in the afternoon.”

            “I need breakfast, Pads, get me breakfast and stop making silly excuses.”

            When she had a plate of waffles covered in strawberries in front of her in orange juice in her hands, Lily finally felt properly awake. And finally felt properly horrified.


End file.
